Welcome (Back)

Freya, my first horse, standing like a pro for her sale ad photos.

You’re welcome back to horses, even if you’ve been gone for a long time. There’s no judgment here. 

You’re welcome if you’re an adult who didn’t get a chance to get into it when you were younger and you’re just starting now. We have different paths and yours is valid.

I bought my first horse in college, an off track thoroughbred mare. She was unyielding in how much of my brain she demanded. She pushed me past old ways of thinking, beyond “just make her do it” and into a more thoughtful way of training. And I loved her for it.

But I felt a deep need to do “something more” with my life, to respond to the poverty and inequity that was all around me. So, I decided to go to graduate school. I did my due diligence and found a person who matched my little mare’s skillset and needs. And, wracked with guilt, I sold her.

I didn’t know it then, but I’d accidentally sold her to someone who would become a lifelong friend, but that’s another story.

When I sold her, I felt this permanent sort of understanding that I wouldn’t be coming back to horses. I felt like the magic way that horses spoke to my soul was a sacrifice I needed to make in order to do good in the world.

I’m so glad that I was wrong.

I think our human brains- mine at least- like to turn complicated situations with multiple paths forward into two simple choices in order to make sense of the vast complexities of life. For example: “I work with horses or I do something else I think is important.” But, simplifying it that much is kind of a lie.

You can do both, concurrently or at different points in your life. There’s space for people to step away for a while and come back without shame. There’s space for people who never had the opportunity to start riding when they were young to pick it up as an adult. A decision to step away to go to school, take a job, have a kid, because you need a break, doesn’t mean that you’re no longer welcome. It’s not a failure. Horses will be here when you’re ready to come back to them.

I felt a lot of guilt and fear of judgment coming back to riding and training after a 5 year hiatus. Those feelings kept me away for longer than they should have. 

But, a horse doesn’t need you to justify the gap in your riding resume. They’ll be satisfied if you’re building your skills, if you’re developing understanding, if you’re present with them now.

So, welcome. Welcome back. Welcome for the first time. We’re glad you’re here.